5 weird things about me

Donna tagged me on this one. I'm trying to limit this to stuff you probably never gleaned about me online, like, you probably know that I love maps and keeping tallies of things and such like that. Sorry about the emphasis on bodily functions.

1. I cannot smell farts. I know this sounds absurd, but it's true. I was in college before I realized that people weren't just joking when they turned their noses up when people farted. People say they smell like poo, but I can smell poo. Not farts, though. Needless to say, this makes me paranoid whenever I do fart, because I can't tell if it's stinky enough for other people to smell.

2. Speaking of which, I generally have at least three bowel movements a day, often more.

3. I have no idea if this has anything to do with that, but I drink a ton of milk. My wife drinks no milk, so I am the only one in the house drinking it. I generally buy two gallons at a time, and can usually finish both gallons before they expire. (I've never gone through with a completely controlled experiment, but in situations where I've gone without milk for a few days, it's had no effect either way on my bowels.)

4. On the other hand, here is a partial list of foods I can't stand and will refuse to eat for almost any reason:

• Mayonnaise
• Sour cream
• Unsweetened yogurt
• All salad dressings (yes, even "just a light vinaigrette")
• Most cheeses (mozzarella and parmesan are OK; jack, swiss, or ricotta are OK in small amounts)
  
• Mustard
• Whole tomatoes, sliced tomatoes, chunks of tomatoes, etc. But I love ketchup and will cheerily gobble down pasta or pizza with sauce--- provided I can remove any large chunks of tomato. If your pasta sauce still has chunks in it, that doesn't mean it's "garden fresh," it means you didn't cook it long enough.)
• Pickles
• Eggplant
• Zucchini
• Coffee (this goes for coffee itself, as well as any coffee-flavored drinks, ice cream, candy, etc. The odd thing is that I think coffee stores swell lovely. But the drink tastes nasty; I've never drunk a full cup of coffee in my life.)
• Beer (The only time I ever drank a full beer in my life was during a concert in Seattle, where I needed to be able to sing, but my vocal chords were raw from screaming, and the only liquid anybody had was some cheap local beer in cans. I chugged one and was able to carry on. I once tried some Weißbier at a German restaurant in Indianapolis that I thought wasn't bad because it lacked much of that awful aftertaste most beer has.)

Anyway, I feel so strongly about some of the stuff on this list that it reaches the level of a phobia; if someone across the table from me is eating, say, coleslaw, I'll turn away or position objects so that I can't see it.

5. I think the powers that be in the media who decide which women are attractive are pulling a big scam on the world, although I think they've eased up a bit in recent years as curvy women have become more acceptable. Mainly I object to the standard angular-faced blonde as the epitome of female attractiveness; c.f. any of Hugh Hefner's girlfriends. A lot of supermodels are pretty ugly, too. Jessica Simpson is a lantern-jawed hag. It's not just blondes, either; I never saw anything attractive in, say, Julia Roberts or Bettie Page, either.