Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Frozen Durian Fruit Bar

So, have you heard of the durian? This is a big spiky fruit from Southeast Asia that some people love, but also has a reputation as being the most foul-tasting and foul-smelling fruit in existence. Up until tonight, I had never tried or even smelled one. My fiancee was at the 99 Ranch market, though, and decided to pick up some durian popsicles for me to try.

So, at first lick, it just tasted like ice. It was a popsicle, after all. But it was made with real durian, lots of it. This was a real frozen fruit bar. So I licked a little more, and it felt a bit custardy, and had something of a banana flavor. It wasn't bad. But then, it was still mostly frozen. Then, as I held it in my hand, suddenly I caught a whiff of something terrible. It was like onions, only it was coming from the fruit bar I was eating. Mind you, I think I have a pretty bad sense of smell. So I took a closer sniff. Yes, it was definitely the durian. I braved a tiny bite. Oh my. It was awful. How could a fruit taste like that? Even bad fruits at least have a taste recognizable as fruit. Not this one. It was like rotten bananas and burnt onions. I like bananas. I like onions. But not like this. It was so wrong. I had to wrap it up in a plastic bag before putting it in the trash.

So, I now have three durian fruit bars left. Would anybody in L.A. like any free durian fruit bars?


At Wednesday, January 18, 2006 at 11:42:00 AM PST, Blogger Adam Villani said...

I should note for those of you unfamiliar with them that durians are about the size of a football.

At Wednesday, January 18, 2006 at 4:31:00 PM PST, Blogger John Reese said...

I would compare the odor more to ammonia than onions. The fruit itself supposedly kills a number of people every year, dropping football-sized and spiky on heads as it does. The flesh of the fruit is interestingly fatty, kind of like avocado.

I generally like them, but I'm too far away to take your box of popsicles off your hands.

At Wednesday, January 18, 2006 at 7:23:00 PM PST, Blogger Aaron Denney said...

What John said.

At Wednesday, January 18, 2006 at 9:52:00 PM PST, Anonymous Vadim said...

Yes, I've smelled it. Yes, it was memorable. No, I never have (and never wish to) try it. You are a brave, brave man (who is wrong about Kings And Queen).

Hey you know what. I saw Satantango, and I just realized that if Bela Tarr made the same kind of movie about California, it would be your favorite movie ever, probably.

At Wednesday, January 18, 2006 at 10:46:00 PM PST, Anonymous clynne said...

It tastes OK when made into a creme filling for Trader Joe's sandwich cookies. Not great, but not offensive.

At Wednesday, January 18, 2006 at 10:59:00 PM PST, Blogger Adam Villani said...

You can have 'em if you want, Connie.

Vadim - I loved the one Tarr I've seen, WERCKMEISTER HARMONIES. If SATANTANGO has played L.A. since about 1994, I don't know about it. I did like GERRY a lot, which was kinda like an American Tarr set in California.

Remember that I thought Bruno Dumont still sucked with TWENTYNINE PALMS, though at least that one had the awesome scenery.

At Saturday, January 21, 2006 at 10:26:00 AM PST, Anonymous clynne said...

Thanks, but, nah, I don't need additional mediocre ice cream treats right now.

At Monday, January 23, 2006 at 12:25:00 AM PST, Blogger Adam Villani said...

I think you're just chicken.

At Sunday, January 29, 2006 at 3:05:00 PM PST, Anonymous arifa said...

oh yeah, i've tasted durian. man, that is some NASTY stuff. i had a tiny bite and when i burper three hours later i was forced to relive the trauma.


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