Against Valet Parking

I can't stand valet parking. Here's why.

1. I don't want those guys driving my car. It's my car. I know how to park it. They're invading my personal space. Furthermore, I've seen how they drive, and I've seen the cramped spaces they squeeze the cars into. If that's not a recipe for damaging my car, I don't know what is.

2. I can understand the need in certain situations, like a nightclub in a crowded area, but sometimes you see these jerks turn a perfectly adequate parking lot into a complicated cash cow.

3. What if I want to get something out of my trunk, take a look at some paperwork, brush my hair, etc. before getting out of my car? Sorry, I'd be holding up everybody else waiting in line.

4. Having to wait in line for valet parking. A more efficient use of the labor would be to have parking attendant direct us to open parking spaces, like they do at Disneyland.

5. And finally, these jerks are class traitors who reinforce social stratification based on wealth. They'll put the Ferrari or the Escalade right up in front waiting for you, but pity the schmoe with the 15-year-old Corolla that they have to retrieve from half a mile away. And incidentally, if I was the Ferrari owner, why should I pay these guys for driving my car up to me that's 20 feet away? And how would I know they hadn't taken it for a joyride without becoming a paranoid odometer-watcher?